Becoming a (more) disabled gamer, pt. 2

This is a continuation of my first piece similarly titled, where I discuss what it's like to become more disabled and being unable to play the games you used to.

It's Monday morning. I've been up since 3 AM. My pain levels were tolerable; the joint pain itself tends to be better when I wake up because my numbness is dialed up by some miracle when I sleep (although other pain can be amplified due to sleeping just slightly wrong, hence being up at 3 AM).

I decided to load up Assassin's Creed Shadows and see if I can give it a real shot at playing again. I pick it up at the introduction of Naoe. As I trot along on the horse, I'm barely able to follow my father (I think - I'm a bit too distracted to pay attention to plot details this morning), weaving around the trail like I had enough sake to sink a sea lion.

Shit. This is a bad sign.

I get to the combat section, and after pausing to look up controls again, I get into the fight.. And I - with great fury - phenomenally fuck it up (well, relative to how I used to be able to fight, at least).

I kept trying. I kept going. The more I played, the more I noticed.. shit, my joints are fucking killing me. I accidentally trigger photo mode 3 goddamned times.

I think I've finally reached that point to where I just know I'm done. I exit the game, uninstall it, and reluctantly request a refund.. My stated reason?

I've become too disabled to be able to play games with more traditional interfaces.

The irony of it all is that complexity isn't the issue: The issue is the kinds of movements and reflexes along with general dexterity in the fingers prevent me from succeeding.

As I've noted before, I don't have this issue in sim & sim-like games with my HOSAS (nor with more real-world activities like target shooting, insanely enough). In fact, I've decided to instead learn to fly WW II airplanes in IL 2: Sturmovik.. Something that's significantly more challenging than an Ubisoft RPG. Yet, for whatever reason, my disability does not prevent me from enjoying games that can use this sort of interface.

Here's a quick break to ask: Mind tossing some change in the tip jar for my birthday in a couple months?

As I write this, even, I'm finding myself typing slower and slower. My fingertips are starting to feel tender. The joints are stiffening up, and the ones in my right hand are beginning to feel like someone is trying to slowly break them.

All because I tried to play a classic and accessible Ubisoft RPG with a controller.

I don't blame Ubisoft here, by the way: They've done a great job with what little I've been able to play on AC Shadows, and all my fellow gamers I talk to also feel like they solidly knocked it out of the park. Ubisoft tends to nail accessibility, and I'm exceptionally glad to see they've kept that up despite not being accessible for folks like me.

Well, I shouldn't quite say that; You see, it's all about the controller, in this case.

I've actually had an idea for a controller that I think might work for me, but.. I can't actually build the damned thing myself, you know?

If I can at some point I'll try and draw it up and let someone else run with the design.

The problem is, the thing will no doubt be prohibitively expensive; The design is actually based on my VKB HOSAS setup, which even before the insane tariffs placed on Chinese imports was not cheap.

That's the other fun part: Disabled gaming is expensive as fuck.

I could keep bitching on that thread, but we've just about reached my limits as far as what I can do with my hands. I need to give them a break, because I've actually got to work my day job here in a couple hours so I can afford treatment for existing issues and diagnostics for the new ones.. And hopefully have enough money to ensure my birthday doesn't suck.